Fat is such a terrible word, like ugly or jealous. I prefer insulated, big boned, heck I’ll even take pleasantly plump but fat – its a cruel word and an even crueler piece of my body. Nobody is harder on my “insulation” then myself.
Recently I stumbled upon a “solution” to get rid of fat! I’ll be the first to admit that I believe everything I read and usually it isn’t hard to sell me on what I’m reading if the information sounds logically. Except if you are trying to sell me wheat, I’m not buying!
Enter The Carb Nite Solution (Yes, i’m sure they are aware they spelled Nite wrong) http://carbnite.com/
What craziness does this “solution” require Mel? I’m glad you asked!
Starting yesterday I began the “Re-orientation” process – its 9 days of under 30g of carbohydrates per day. These carbs are counted only by “usable” carbs which is the amount of carbohydrates in a serving of food minus the grams of fiber. For instance 10 raw spears of asparagus have one gram of carbs in them, however, they also have 0.5g of fiber making the total usable carboyhydrates of the asparagus as 0.5g. So technically yes I could eat 60 spears of asparagus and be at my max carbs for the day, but my piss would smell weird and my skin would probably turn green so let’s mix it up a bit. Here’s the scientific break down of what my body will be going through on this carb-less trip.
Reorientation Days 1-5 – carb stores will be wiped out. The body will also stop making the carb-to-fat converting enzyme – Who let that enzyme in anyways???? Jerk! During this time the body will transform fats in special molecules called ketones, needed by the brain for energy when carbs fall. The brain using ketones is a “natural and safe” process.
Here’s the kicker – On the 10th day you wake up, eat your regular protein and fats breakfast and lunch then as of 4pm that day you get to have a serving up carbs, along with some low fat protein. Been craving sushi? I’m sure I will be. Then it is suggested you eat more carbohydrates, your second serving can be accompanied by some fats and your third or dessert carb serving can be cheesecake or chocolate or whatever the hell else you were craving after 9 days of near-suicide. This reintroduction of carbs to your body becomes stored, but here’s the cool part, its not stored as fat but as sugar and the body stores in it your muscles (probably my ass) amongst other places. This carb loading will not cause your body to switch back to carbs as its main source of energy and your body will actually continue to burn fat while you are eating the carbs – I know, it sounded too good to be true to me too! Then because this occurance ignites your metabolism, some of those carbs get burned off as heat – it’s gonna be a sweaty sleep next Friday night for me!
The day after carb nite – at the advise of Kiefer (the mastermind behind this brilliancy), I will not be weighing myself. Whoever is sadistic enough to weigh themselves after pigging out is right messed in the head, unless it lights a fire under your indulgent ass then have at it!
So after your post-sushi and cheesecake coma NOW WHAT?
The next morning you carry on with your less than 30g carb diet. The pain and bloat of your feast night will subside within a day or two and those who have done the diet report feeling “tighter” and looking more fit – but wait didn’t I just stuff myself until I almost puked? Well yes, but thats the perk of the deprivation and the elimination of the carb-to-fat enzyme. Sounds pretty bad ass to me! So after your first carb night you go back to your fats and proteins for anywhere from 5-7 days before you have (YES ITS TRUE) ANOTHER CARB NITE! Another feast of whatever you have been craving! I’m already dreaming of rice pasta with cheese and bacon and a DQ peanut butter cup blizzard, oh the fat kid inside me will feast. You continue this cycle of low carb and weekly “carb nite” for up to 6 months – I would be ecstatic if I can carry on for 6 months as I want to get my body fat percentage atleast down into the mid-20’s. What I need to watch for is alcohol, because your body will only support the burning of the alcohol when you are drinking any food you eat will not be burned by your body until the alcohol has left your system – Wow all those times I had a huge steak with a side of red wine, no wonder I’m well “insulated”. The creator recommends one drink on carb nite, two if you absolutely must and if you have 3 then you have sabotaged your fat loss for the week and should start over on Day 1 of reorientation. I get it, one drink it is!
As you can probably guess most all meat has zero carbs as well as fats like olive oil, some nuts and some dairy. So what have I been eating for the last two days – I’ll tell you this, most doctors would shit a brick if they knew, but even I thought I overdid it yesterday. As some of you know I don’t eat much dairy and I don’t do well with nuts and try to avoid processed meats. Well I threw caution to all of those winds yesterday. I had bacon (a lot of it) for breakfast, camembert and tuna for lunch, macadamia nuts for snack and steak for dinner. I overate, badly, because I was at home and let’s face it nothing goes better with The Good Wife reruns then FOOD! This morning I vowed to eat a bit healthier today, or atleast lay off some of the cheese, well I had cheddar on my bunless burger at lunch today and mixed cream cheese in my ground beef for snack – my willpower is non-existant sometimes. But good news! I’m back to work tomorrow, work means I have to pack food and therefore cannot boredom eat. Hooray!
So the diet specifies to try and eat one serving of fat and one serving of protein at each meal. They also have items that fall under a “neutral” category and can be added to the fat/protein meal or eaten by themselves. Please get the book if you are interested in the list that foods fall under but some of them are:
Fat: eggs, pepperoni, olive oil, olives, cheese
Protein: asparagus, chicken breasts, tuna, protein powder, spinach
Neutral: broccoli, chicken thighs with skin, lamb
I’m not a big fan of eliminating veggies (since fruit is pretty much a no-go) so I’ve been having the raw asparagus or spinach with every meal, well almost every meal. I’ve noticed a lot of people who do this diet happily forego almost all of the vegetables they used to eat – I don’t want to do this – I’m weird and love vegetables, not to mention there’s no fiber in meat and your body needs assistance in “clearing” itself – I’ve also been taking a fiber supplement for the past two days – my stomach hates them.
So….. as I said before you can get the book and read the theory/science for yourself if you are interested in trying this. Or you can wait until I’m a month in and see how I liked it cause, well, I’m crazy and love to try narly solutions to my lifelong battle with the “insulation”
I will post an update in a week when my carb levels are very low and I will advise if I’m still lifting as heavy because of my high protein intake – I’m hopeful!
Here’s the link again : http://carbnite.com/
Here’s a link of some smart paleo people who have done this: http://everydaypaleo.com/carb-nite-carb-backloading/